


.

by Twilighthawke



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 01:37:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5028643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twilighthawke/pseuds/Twilighthawke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erica has had a hard day. Cullen is understandably understanding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	.

It was a warm and sunny day in Skyhold. Not that you would be able to tell from where Cullen sat in his office, poring over his paperwork. There was a lot happening in the Western Approach, what with the acquiring of Griffons Wing Keep, and the blasted high dragon...

Cullen rubbed his forehead. If he frowned like he had been for much longer, his face would get stuck that way. Although that may help him train the recruits, he doubted his love would appreciate the wrinkles on his forehead.

No sooner had she entered his thoughts then the woman herself appeared in his doorway.

"Inquisitor!" Cullen stood hastily from his chair. She wasn't expected back from the Western Approach for another day or two. "You're back." The slightly ridiculous grin on his face died when he saw the look on hers.

Without a word she strode across the room and wrapped her arms around his waist. He wrapped her in his arms on instinct. She smelled great, some Orlesian perfume Vivienne had introduced her to and Erica bought by the crateful.

"Erica...?" Cullen asked tentatively. He had never seen her so quiet.

She lifted her head from where it had been resting on his breastplate. Her eyes were very tired. Like she hadn't slept in days. Cullen cupped one cheek in his hand and she leaned into the touch, closing her eyes and furrowing her brow.

Cullen didn't press her into explaining, he just held her like that, praying none of his men decided to walk in at that moment.

Finally, Erica heaved a sigh and opened her eyes. Her eyes moved from his face to his armor. She flicked the breastplate absently.

"Would you mind..." She trailed off, not meeting his eyes.

Cullen blinked a few times. Was she asking what he thought she was asking? He felt his face heat up and his tongue go numb. They had only been courting a few months. Such a bold request so early in their relationship was outside of Cullen's experience.

"I just... need to be held right now," she continued, still not meeting his eyes.

So she wasn't asking what he thought she was asking. Cullen suppressed a sigh of relief. It wouldn't have felt right to do anything with her in this state. Too easy for her to regret it later.

Cullen started pulling at the straps of his armor. In no time at all he was in his leathers. Erica smiled at him then. It was a smile as tired as her eyes and it made Cullen's heart ache. He led her towards his desk chair and awkwardly sat and waited for her to join him.

She sat in his lap and tenderly wrapped an arm around his neck. The other rested on his chest, over his heart. Cullen tentatively hugged her about the waist. She would tell him what it was when she was ready. 

"I killed a boy yesterday," she spoke suddenly. 

"A boy?" Cullen asked. Erica nodded. 

"One of the White Raiders," she continued, her voice void of emotion. "He snuck around behind me and stabbed me in the back. His daggers bounced off of Dorian's barrier and I sank my blade in his throat." 

Cullen didn't react. He wasn't a fool, he knew what she did in the field. He had done a fair share of killing in his time in the Templar Order. He knew the toll it eventually took on your heart. 

"It took him less than a minute to die," Erica continued in the same flat voice. "When he went down I could see his face." Her hand gripped his shirt. "His eyes were wide and he made this awful gurgling sound as his life blood fell on the sand." 

She looked up at him then, her eyes wide and full of pain. 

"He couldn't have been more than eighteen, Cullen." Her eyes started welling with tears she had long repressed. "Maker's breath what have I done?" She dropped her head to his chest, voice trembling. 

Cullen lifted a hand to her face to make her look at him again. Her tears fell freely now. 

"Nothing you didn't have to do," Cullen said fervently. He didn't remind her that the White Raiders were murderers and thieves because that wasn't the point. It wasn't the fact that the boy might have deserved to die, but that Erica didn't deserve the weight of killing him. 

"He was a child," Erica's voice cracked. "Younger than Sera."

Cullen hugged her tighter to him, kissing her forehead as she sobbed quietly in his arms. He rested his chin on her head as he grappled for the right words to say. He had never been good at consoling people. Mindless platitudes like “it was him or you” or “it’s not your fault”, couldn’t erase the image of a young man bleeding to death before her eyes.

“It’s easy to blame yourself,” Cullen found himself saying. “Because you can be your own worst enemy.”

Erica looked at him with red-rimmed eyes.

“So listen to me,” Cullen brushed a strand of hair from her face. “You don’t have to blame yourself. It’s not your responsibility.” He wasn’t sure where the words came from. They felt like they has issued straight from the bottom of his heart. But as he looked into her fade-green eyes, he knew it had been the right thing to say.

Erica swallowed and nodded at him. She didn’t smile. Because words don’t heal what only time can. She leaned forward and placed a feather-light kiss on his lips. Cullen’s hand found its way into her hair and he angled her head so he could kiss her for real.

“Thank you,” she murmured against his mouth. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Cullen smiled. He wasn’t sure how he had gotten so lucky. To find a woman this amazing, who happened to need him as much as he needed her. He pressed his forehead to hers. “Neither would I.”


End file.
